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For our final Quench’d post of the year, we’re thrilled to welcome Mark Koenigsberg. If you’ve followed along with our Founders’ Series posts, you may recognize Mark’s name—he’s someone I’ve written about a few times because his influence on Bivo has been truly profound. Robby and I had the privilege of working closely with Mark for three years, and the lessons we learned from him continue to guide us daily. Rarely does a day go by when I don’t reflect on something Mark taught me. Today, I’m excited to share a glimpse of his wisdom with you.

Carina

New Year's Resolutions – Really?

I awoke the other day to a text from Carina Hamel, asking my opinion of New Years Resolutions. I do love hearing from Carina but was surprised by this question. Surprised that New Year’s Resolutions are still a thing. Apparently, brands, podcasters, influencers, and others want us to commit to a series of actions for 2025. I am clearly out of touch.

Drum Roll . . . For 2025 I Hereby Resolve To:

·  Get in killer shape - hit the gym, the bike path, the roads.

·  Be kinder, gentler, and more patient with my partner, my children, my siblings.

·  Finish that degree

·  Read those books

·  Watch less TV

·  Get outside more

·  Eat more healthily

·  Have a better attitude towards life . . .

How am I doing?

If I sound skeptical, it’s because I am skeptical. Coming from brands this feels like yet another way to sell us something, a product or service, that promises quick gratification and a better life.

But real resolutions require real actions, not something easily bought or sold.

For most of my long life I have worked in the field of personal and professional growth - the world of change. I understand that change, meaningful change, change that alters lives is hard and requires work. That’s because of the power of our habits.

Habits. All our habits, our habitual ways of thinking, acting, and being, come from somewhere - the ones we love and feel good about - the ones we hate and want to change – all of them were initially an attempt to solve a problem or rectify a situation. Most habits were developed in childhood or adolescence, and they live in our bodies, in our cellular being. It's one reason change is difficult. Habits such as not standing up for, or not valuing ourselves, avoiding conflict, overeating, undereating, always interrupting, etc. were developed as responses to situations - they came from somewhere. And importantly, all our habits “good” and “bad” contain a nugget of competence.

Commitment – Determination – Effort – Discipline - Courage

Commitments are important and they don’t live in a vacuum. Relationships with friends, colleagues, and lovers, can provide support for those commitments. To keep an ongoing commitment, we need to ask for help, and we need discipline to stay on course knowing that life will always be in flux. If we lead full lives, we will always have competing wants.

Be wary of glib statements. It may feel great in the exuberance and glow of the holiday season to make bold resolutions. Scientific research says that the very act of making a commitment is satisfying and brings relief. “I promise to not lie anymore, to stop drinking, to be nicer to you.” Declaring so may feel great but does little to move us towards our stated intention. Gym memberships surge in January but by late March many of those people are nowhere to be seen.

Change is possible, exciting, and life affirming. We can move away from patterns and habits that are no longer useful, that don’t serve us well, and towards ones that bring us joy, pleasure, and growth. It takes determination, effort, and yes, courage to do so. You may require professional assistance. My personal elixir combines self-belief with humility, compassion towards oneself, a healthy sense of humor, and an appreciation of the fragility and wonders of this life.

As we approach 2025, if you’re determined to make resolutions, make them from the place of “who you are” - from how you want to be in relationship to yourself and in community with others, and most importantly how you will bring the best of yourself to our world.