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Mérida Miller is a professional amateur gravel racer, Bivo ambassador, and experienced ride leader. She truly embodies Bivo's Fuel More Fun attitude, helping young girls gain confidence in themselves and their sports. She caries these same values with her as she empowers more women to join the sport of Gravel Racing.

This is for anyone who feels like confidence is something other people have. The good news? It's not gone, it's just misplaced. And yes, you can absolutely still grow it as an adult.

And for those of you who are looking to raise young fearless humans… this one is for you as well. *Just look out for the blue boxes for tips and tricks direct from the PF courses themselves. 

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I've spent the last 7.5 years as founder and CEO of Project Fearless, a non-profit that builds confidence and resilience in young girls through skateboarding, rock climbing, sewing, science, you name it. Practicing falling, getting back up. Cheering loudly, sharing emotions, speaking up and overcoming the fear of failure, you know all that stuff we all wished we knew before we were adults. 

The last two years I've slowly started unraveling myself from the full time CEO and now growing into part time CVO (Chief Vision Officer) and Professional Amateur Gravel Cyclist.

I spend half my week working on methodology and programming around confidence, resilience, and future leadership skills for girls and the other half training, racing, and creating ways to welcome more people (specifically women) into the wonderful world of gravel racing. 

Somewhere along the way, while trading my CEO title for a gravel bike and way too much trail dust, I realized the same framework we use with twelve-year-olds on skateboards applies just as much to grown women on bikes. To me on a bike. To anyone who's ever stood at a start line and thought: what am I even doing here?

Confidence is a loaded word, and often we've been told it's something you either have or you don't. As a society we tend to applaud and recognize the loud, the “outwardly brave”, the extroverts as confident and tend to ignore that confidence comes in many forms. And that it’s something you can actively work on, in the right environment and with the right practice. 

Last summer I taught a sand gravel clinic to a group of women. I was not a professional rider and to be honest before that clinic I had only a little experience in sand… but the reason I stepped in to lead this clinic was because from what I was hearing in the group chat it wasn't “the technique” that was the problem… but rather they were just scared to even try it. To fall, to look stupid… and this, this - this I know how to coach. 

So we went to the sand dunes and practiced. Talked about “falling”, about ignoring the perceived judgment of others, the fact that we all learn and grow on different levels, and yes a few techniques I learned from my own “f*** around and find out” moments. 

Surprise surprise, everyone made it out of the sand alive. And multiple women commented how “confident they felt” after the clinic. 

That's the thing about confidence, it’s not something you are born with or without- It's just waiting on the other side of the thing you haven't tried yet.

I've found that gravel specifically is a great way to practice resilience and build confidence - when you're on the bike you are relying on reflexes and subconsciousness to take over your body and find that flow in the single tracks. And when you have a mechanical (or a dead gps), which I find far more common in graveling than road, you are often left to yourself to figure it out. 

I recently found myself in the middle of the Spanish gravel forest without a phone (it apparently bounced out of my top tube bag during a descent) and so I was left relying on my gpx to guide me to where my partner left the car… only to find myself without water or food, on top of a small mountain and the car nowhere to be found.

Yes I wanted to scream and cry and a big part of me wanted to just curl up in the dirt and accept my fate… start living on bugs, wearing mud for sunscreen, you know typical stuff. 

 But here's the thing and what I love about gravel, even the “easy rides” teach you to stretch beyond your growth zone, expanding the confidence in yourself every time you go out. Every time I've taken a wrong turn, fixed a mechanical in the middle of nowhere, taken a corner that scared me, ridden a trail that felt too hard — and come out the other side — that goes somewhere. Those moments stack up, it builds something.

So instead of the bugs and mud plan, I took a breath. I thought: I have gotten out of situations before. I will get out of this one. And I did.

Note to reader: Cycling without a phone in an unpopulated area is not one I would recommend as a way to build your confidence. 😅 And you certainly don't need to manufacture a crisis. Confidence grows in the small stuff, consistently. And the small stuff looks different for everyone.

Comfortzones and Comparison 

At the start of our Project Fearless skate and bouldering programs we fill out our comfort zone maps. Putting in the things we are comfortable with, what we want to grow/ stretch into, and what scares us (but maybe one day, would like to try).

After 8-weeks, on the last day we do the same. Checking in - what’s changed, what's stayed the same, and what we want to keep working on. 

Everyone has a comfort, growth, and panic zone and for each of us it's different. 

At the skate park some kids are coming back for their 6th season, some stepping on a board for their first time. So all of their maps will be different. And where they feel their stretching themselves will be different as well. This is important to recognize, just because your stretch/growth zone feels smaller than the person next to you doesn’t mean practicing it doesn’t build the same amount of confidence. If you are stretching you are growing, even if that's going down a semi steep descent vs the super steep descent your friend is working on.

Comparing your “growth zone” to someone else's not only bruises your confidence but also holds you back from enjoying the process. It’s said "comparison is the thief of joy” but I've come to strongly believe that it's also “the thief of confidence.” This is a specifically important reminder for those of us entering the cycling world (or anything) later in life. When it feels like everyone has a jump start.  

The same goes for knowing your own limits. Pushing too hard past your growth zone and into panic, isn't bravery, it's just noise. And most people don't actually grow there.

There is a lot of marketing talk about “pushing through”, “digging deep” or “fear is temporary” and while this pressure may work for some, to be honest most people don’t grow when they are in their panic zone or when they are being pushed beyond apoint where learning can actually take place.

One thing we train our coaches on is when to recognize a freeze/ panic zone. Although we try to teach the kids to recognize this themselves it’s not always easy. Have you ever noticed when learning something new you start to shut down? Thoughts (and heart rate) start racing and not from excitement. Your legs get a bit tense or numb, silly mistakes start happening. All of this is a good sign you’ve reached your panic zone. At this time it's a good idea to take a pause, remove yourself from the situation- get off your bike. Do a quick reset dance/ wet dog shake (this actually works) and check in with yourself. “Do I need/ want to do this today or have I learned enough and it's time to just enjoy the rest of the ride and come back another time?” 

The other day I went out with a very skilled friend for a technique clinic. He's a great coach so he never pushed me to the point of panic zone and I am pretty good at recognizing when “I’m done learning for today” and after about an hour of learning to drift around a corner, we called it a day. To be honest, I was a little sad that during the session I didn’t have the perfect corner but tried to be grateful for what I had accomplished. Even if it was quite literally- learning when to use the front brake. 

It wasn't until a couple weeks after the clinic that it all clicked. It felt like a whole new bike underneath me and legs and body that were working simultaneously. 

Sometimes we (guilty as charged) are so used to instant gratification, thank you, Instagram, that when something doesn't “click” right away we feel like we’ve failed. Or are “slow” or just don't get it. It wasn't until weeks later of intentional trying that it turned into ease and I was ready to focus on the next growth step. At this time I took a moment to pat myself on the back- Good job me.

This leads me to my final point on confidence… for now ;-) 

When it clicks, notice it, celebrate it.

Celebrating yourself is incredibly important, but I know first hand this can be hard. 

It’s something I've seen working with the pre-teens at Project Fearless, their fear of looking "conceited" or “full of themselves” if they celebrate themselves too much prevents them from sharing what they are proud of. You may have been conditioned to shrink or play off your achievements as “luck” but taking moments to pat yourself on the back will help you later when you need to remind yourself “I can do this, I've done this before.’’

Much like anything this celebration takes practice and repetition, and lucky for you I've found a loop hole - Let others hype you up.

 Find someone (or someones) who you know will always be stoked for you- this could be the same person or a different person for different goals. Let them know you consider them part of your Hype Crew and share the small, big, and medium wins! And then don’t forget to do the same back. Celebrate the small, medium, and big wins of friends (and strangers for that matter). Studies show that when we celebrate other achievements our confidence gets a boost as well!

Lastly, a good reminder is that confidence isn’t lost, it's just often misplaced. 

And sometimes you need to do what feels like “starting over” to find it again. Go back to the moment you felt the best, strongest, most skilled-est and do it again. You can often find me practicing the same corner over and over at the slowest speed until my body remembers how to do it. Ignore the thoughts of “what if someone is judging”- to quote my favorite light post sticker “what others think of you is none of your business”just go out and enjoy the ride.

And if you are looking for hype girl in your corner, you can always find me @mercatmiller on instagram and if you are a woman looking to get into gravel racing here is where I will be this year- Join me on the start line!

Words by Mérida Miller

Watch her TEDx Confidence Has a Branding Problem 

Find our more about Project Fearless here or listen to their new podcast made for parents and teens.